Questions

Ignore this post, we're just beating ourselves up.

(Note: the normal font represents me; the italic font represents Bullet.)



I just wanted
To help you.

I thought that
I made a difference.

Because I’m your best friend.
And I’m your husband.

And we can have some fun times.
We used to have fun times.

But why can’t I help you when you’re sad?
Why didn’t I spend enough time with you?

I feel
So useless.

When I come to see you,
You don’t feel like smiling
And when I try to lighten things up,
It doesn’t work.

And the longer I stay,
The worse it gets.
For me and for you.
Especially for you.

Why does this
Always happen?

Why can’t I ever
Do anything right?

Why can’t I ever
Get through to you?

Is there something wrong
With the way I love?

I am not a saviour.
I am merely a pill.
You take me
And then
The pain
Comes back.

You like talking to yourself
But you will not talk to me.

You can amuse yourself
But no matter what I do or say
It will not have
Any effect
On your thoughts
Or your feelings.

I know that you love me
And I love you possibly even more
But sometimes it’s as if
You’re better off without.

I don’t want to be mad
And I certainly don’t want to be sad.

It’s not your fault.
It’s all my fault.

Why is it that
Every time we touch
I always
Ruin everything?

I won’t ever leave you.
But please don’t leave me.



tl;dr: baaaaaawwwwwww we suck

SO

...After a long time of being fairly confused, I think I'm asexual.



YAY?

ROFFLE

I bet I only wrote that last blog entry because I was angsty because it was that time of the month. >:B
NEGATIVENESS, BE GONE~! ...waaiit is negativeness even a word? fjsdjkgfd WHO CARES.


Soooo... doodles? Yes!


A WIP of something nice. YAY BUCKTEEF.


I drew this at school... on MS Paint... with a mouse. B| Anyway, the joke is that sometimes we play Nirvana in the art classroom and there was this song that goes, "I'm on a plain, I can't complain"... and I honestly thought that the singer was talking about being on an AIRPLANE. XDDDD;;; and then i looked up the lyrics and i was like OHHH A PLAIN. god I'm a DORK fsdgjkdfjkf


Bullet's mommy as a teenager. c:


Bullet being like WTF NO at Ashton's death. ...In all seriousness though, he was all stiff and robotic for like, a week before it finally hit him. Meep.


Um...

day five

OMGUGUISEIHADAREALIZATION.


I just realized that sometimes, in a situation, my initial feelings can be false or bad. And that when I get them out of the way, I wonder why I felt them at all.

I also realized that if I manage to terminate these feelings without directing them at someone else, then it's really, really worth it because there's no harm done!

If I follow by these rules, then the world will be a better place for all of us.
I'M SO HAPPY AGHSDFJF C8


Oh man... in the last few days I've been going through this kind of cycle. If I get a good sleep one night, then I'll get hardly any sleep the night after that, and then a good sleep the night after that, and then a bad sleep the night after that, and... so on and so forth.
ALTHOUGH this might just be because it's the holidays and I'm not using up as much energy as I should. Ah well. I've decided to take a walk around the neighbourhood once or twice a week 'cause it'll be good for me. :B


I GET REALLY TALKATIVE WHEN I HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH SLEEP RAAAAAARRR GIMME SUGAR

And love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujaaaah...~

I love that song. <3


SO UMM. I figured out yesterday that if I grab a blank canvas or piece of paper and just start drawing/colouring aimlessly, then I'm more likely to come up with a piece of art. Seriously. I can sometimes get some pretty good ideas in my head before I start drawing but now, I realize that usually they come WHILE I'm drawing.

...Sweet as. 8DDD


So um... HAVE A DOODLE.


It's Louie and I have no idea who he's talking to or what he's pointing at. Partially because I'm scared to add anything that will destroy the picture. Oh well. Suggestions?
I also have no idea why he looks so goddamn happy. Louie's usually kinda quiet and subdued. HMMMM.


I think I had a dream about hippies.
o_o


-runs away to do other stuff-

WHYYYYYYYYYY

Being embarrassed about loving your characters a little too much FTW.


Seriously though. Of all my 70-something characters, why is it always BULLET who gets all the attention? He's a completely normal human with no special abilities or powers. He has a house, he has a job, he drives a car. He likes sex and getting drunk. He's an idiot. THERE'S NOTHING REALLY SERIOUSLY SPECIAL ABOUT HIM.

So why is it that when I decide to draw, the first thing I think of, and cannot resist the urge to draw, is this BEARDED MORON?!! ("I'm not a moron. >:C And it's a goatee.")




...oh well. it's better than drawing nothing. 8D


i even COLOURED him carefully too. FSDGJFDJKSFJDFGF

I have two wheat crackers.

I always eat these crackers in pairs. Two at a time.

...And I can never decide which one looks nicer so that I can eat the less-nice one first.

I AM NEW ZEALAND'S BIGGEST DORK, I SWEAR.


But before the crackers, I had to quickly get a glass of water because I just ate the biggest Ginger Nut EVER and it was nice but the spice was burning my tongue (figuratively).
And WTF we've got two packets of Uncle Ben's Chinese Style Rice in the pantry. WE NEVER BUY FOOD THAT YA JUST CHUCK IN THE MICROWAVE. Unless it's something like Easy Mac that's for me and my brother to eat when our parents are out. Which is hardly ever. SO YEAH. :|


Another weird thing is that last night (well... this morning, rather), I had a dream that accurately reflected everything that's currently been going on in my life, or things that have recently happened, with a touch of randomness. This is really interesting to me because usually my dreams are SO RANDOM THAT THEY BEAT ALL OF BULLET'S TRIPPY DRUG-INFLUENCED HALLUCINATIONS. The dream went like this:

I was in the hospital again, but I don't think I was the one who was sick or injured this time. As I was walking through the hospital, I saw a small crowd gathered around a man with a violin, and I smiled in appreciation.
I left the hospital and I was driving with my brother in the car. We were in Porirua and as we were going past the local polytech, one of my car's rear tyres suddenly burst - and she lost the entire wheel along with it. My brother told me to turn onto another road (which also actually exists) and drive to the nearest petrol station. I don't know how in the HELL we were driving with a missing wheel, but we arrived at a dead end on a dusty trail, where there was a massive sunny field of tall grass.
The dream then cut to me driving (with a new wheel) into the street where my violin teacher lives, which I actually do once a week for lessons, and I was trying so hard to pull over as close to the kerb as I could without actually scraping the wheels because that really frustrates me in real life. I then received a text from a friend saying something like "fine, I'm sorry". I was confused until I discovered a text, from the same friend, that I had received before and not noticed. From what I can remember it roughly said: "So you've been out having fun for 5 hours? F**k you, I hate you."
And then I woke up.

tl;dr: I actually had a dream that made some kind of SENSE. ...Mostly. Nothing is ever completely realistic with me.


I have to perform a violin solo in front of my music class tomorrow. AAAAAAAA I'M GON' DIIIEEEEfsdjfjgff


Also, I wish I had a scanner of my own so that I didn't have to go to the trouble of using the scanner on my dad's computer and then getting the images from his computer to my own. That's one thing I want when I move out: a scanner. Then I could scan as many doodles as I like, whenever I like, and put them on this blog and it would be way more interesting to read.

Good Thoughts

I wrote this at school yesterday. It's just a bunch of recently-attained thoughts. Aaah, my mind is a train that never stops. Cx



I do not know how to put myself into words. Forever I will be shy, but I do not conform. Forever I will be quiet, but I make loud statements. Forever I will be sarcastic and somewhat witty along with it, but I will always strive for kindness. Forever I will be a sharp observer, but also an airheaded dreamer. Forever I will be intelligent, but also blissfully dumb. Forever I will dress in black but decorate things with rainbows. Forever I will enjoy technology but also embrace nature & tradition. Forever I may drive cars, but also hug trees.

Perhaps I'm a hypocrite. Or perhaps I'm trying to be too many things at once. Perhaps I just can't get enough of life. After all, life has so much to offer.

But hey, I'm only seventeen. This is only scratching the surface. I will always be that shy, quiet artist, but I seem to make alterations to myself all the time. I'm a slightly new person every year, even every few months. Last year I hated the guitar; now I can't resist picking one up to strum it. Last week I had no objections to eating beef; now I am starting to seriously consider what's on my dinner plate. As with most people my age, this is only the beginning of discovering my true self. I am like the weather - ever changing, never stopping in one place.

And, boy, do I love it. :)


♥ ♥ ♥

dfjdsjkjkf

The Wellington Youth Orchestra, Sinfonietta and Schola Sinfonica are playing at a concert this Sunday. I'm in it. OH MY GOD I'VE BEEN PRACTICING ALL WEEK LIKE CRAZY!!

We're going to be playing Handel's Music For the Royal Fireworks and "Rodeo" by A. Copland. And then I think the WYO is playing something else as well. Anyway, it's gon' be EPIC.



Doodles? Why yes I do have them, thank you for asking.




(The joke: Bullet [the dark-haired dude] has a griffin for his demon Animal. Birdy birdy bird. :D)

And I've got some other stuff too but I can't be bothered trying to find them, so I leave you with this.

Newly-found Consciousness

There are quite a few synonyms that I could use to describe how I've been feeling this fine autumn evening. And they are: fulfilled, determined, adventurous, productive, appreciative, thoughtful, and understanding.

Why? Well, there are three reasons. First of all...

I was dreading having to go back to school today... I really was. The day before I had had one of those little "freak-outs" in which I realize that I had schoolwork to do but I left it so late that I have very little or no time left to do it at all, and then I reflect on my lazy, slacking, procrastinating self and, upon remembering how I said that I wanted to do well at school this year, I burst into tears, thinking that I'm going to fail miserably and never get anywhere in life.
So this morning, I stumbled lethargically out of my warm comfortable bed and into the harsh cold air of the morning, dreaming up negative consequences in my imagination like I usually do (and is one of the reasons I suffered so much in the first week of the holidays, but that's a different story that I would like to forget). The consequences involved facing a heavily disappointed and frustrated Photography teacher after telling her that I didn't do my homework; continuing to be behind and take no interest whatsoever in my only outlet for the future, a.k.a. Art class; and turning up to English having not read the novel I was supposed to, which is The Great Gatsby. All this, and the fact that I'm horrible at interacting with people in real life which makes me feel quite alienated, and just knowing that I wasn't lounging around at home in my pyjamas stuffing my face and wasting our Internet traffic on watching only mildly amusing YouTube videos.
HOWEVER.
I actually had conversations with inviting classmates.
Turns out that I don't actually need to crawl my way through the painfully boring introduction of The Great Gatsby and I can just skip to the actual story.
Whoah man, I actually did my work in Art! (But slacked off a little as well, since I can't go a school day without doodling at least one silly cartoon on my paper...)
And my Photography teacher did not end up interrogating us about our homework.
I went home at the end of the day and this evening, I read the whole first chapter of The Great Gatsby and started selecting images to analyse for Photography. Being so motivated and eager to do my work is quite a rare occasion for me. I want to teach myself to be motivated all the time, like I once was before that sudden, spontaneous change of heart I experienced at 14 years old.

The second reason for my unusually enlightened mood is the mere fact that at dinner, I had a fairly in-depth discussion with my parents about the status of buying houses in society today. Normally I'm too detached with the busy mainstream rush of the world to have an opinion on anything outside of my comfort zone of knowledge (for example, I've never known much about the most popular music ever written, yet I have an extensive knowledge of the nu-metal band System of a Down, a bunch of wacky musicians that nobody ever talks about anymore). However, this time I had a definite opinion on a common thing. I had questioned why it is that mortgage on houses even exists, because frankly I find the whole concept kind of strange and silly - I mean, why do we have to pay off for things for most of our lives when we can just buy it all in the first place? We wouldn't have to if houses weren't so expensive. But why are they so expensive? Imagine if houses were the same price as cars - a box that you own for life. And nowadays, it's not so much how much the empty box itself is worth, it's where you put it that counts. You put the box in a rich suburb, it's worth a lot. You put it in a poor ghetto, it's worth a lot less. My point is: no matter where you put this box... it's just a box that will always be worth the same thing, and that seems to be a lost concept in society today.
tl;dr: I think that the world has become an unnecessarily complicated place. Nuuuh, ya think, Alice?! Hahaha... all the same, if I were goddess of the world, I would make life a lot simpler and make people cut out the crap.

And the third and final reason for my mood is that me and my dad had one of our "art talks" after dinner. I'm very much like my father, and I love it when we discuss art because it's a really great way for us to connect. It's like he empowers me to appreciate art more.
Furthermore... I have decided that I really want to start exploring the areas of art that I haven't even touched. I like drawing crazy stuff from my imagination (lollipop-loving, Mustang-driving, vodka-swigging arachnophobics, anyone?), and my characters are like my children that make me happy, but I can't stick to one thing forever. I need to get out there and actually try stuff. There are endless possibilities in art, and seeing simplistic yet beautiful images just inspires me to do that. To me, nature is wonderful, man-made things are brilliant, and together they are fantastic. The smallest things are the most beautiful. A few strokes and blotches of colour can create something out of nothing. Less is more. Art is one of the greatest things that ever happened to Man.

I have accomplished so much today... and it's because I actually got up off my arse and did things. I worked, I thought, I communicated, I fell in love. I truly lived. And now I know why I've felt so empty and mechanical for such a long while. It's because I, as a human being, need to live. And it all begins with inspiration and motivation.

I shall now quote Gandalf the Grey from Lord of the Rings. This is a message for you all, so listen (well... read) carefully.

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."



Hahahaha... I love that picture.

Joking aside... make the most of your life, reader. There is so much you could do to change and improve the world, or even just to be at peace with yourself.

I'm sorry for this massive text wall... but there are just times when I want to share my thoughts with the world. Who knows, maybe they will inspire somebody. Is it you? I hope so! Good night, Internet. :D

HEY HEY HEY

Guess what?

I'M PLAYING THE PIANO ON YOUTUBE.



I actually figured out that song (and several others by SOAD) on the piano a couple of years ago but I was just too lazy to make recordings. It's fun figuring out stuff by ear, though I'm not a professional or anything so yeah. 8'D;;;

Next week: ATWA!

Alice...

GET OFF THE COMPUTER.

Whoa.

You know what, Bradley? You just totally fricken' predicted my own future for me.

Seriously. You hurt people, got lonely, got hurt, went through a "darkest hour"... and then started rebuilding yourself and repairing the damage. That is exactly what is going through with me right now.

Dang... it's awesome when I have creepy parallels to my own characters. 8)


Starting from tomorrow, everything from last year to now will no longer exist. We will be carefree friends once more, you and I. No, I'm not talking about Brad. Though we're also friends. Even if we're not carefree. Derp.

MEMORY SWIPE~!

I

am bored.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

HOLY CRAP

Apparently a tsunami is going to hit our coast in about four minutes.

AAAAAAHHH oh wait, we live high up on a hill! Never mind.

The guy on the news said that it's not so much the height of the wave that matters, it's the force of the wave and all the water that's behind it. And there's no way that wave is going to reach our house. We live in a safe zone... I hope!

Jeez... first huge scrubfires, and now this! Whatever next?! D:

Fire!

My pyromaniac character Sammie would be having a field day right now.

There is a massive scrub fire on the hills near our house! When you go outside to look, you can see HUGE clouds of smoke rolling across the sky. From our front yard, it looks like the fire is just a couple of houses away, but it's actually quite far away - around the place where me and my dad used to go bike-riding, actually. The wind is blowing the smoke our way and as I type this, the air outside is hazy.

We walked up our street to Crown Hill, which is the top of the main hill we live on, and there were heaps of people flocking in from everywhere to look at the smoke, adults and children alike. (When we went back to our house, I spotted some kids standing on top of the water tower in our street!) A couple of fire engines arrived too, and shortly after we arrived the police evacuated Crown Hill, so everyone left and went up the next street so they could keep looking, hur.

I've never seen anything like it before... so much dark, thick smoke in the sky, all with a sort of golden tint and some parts were even quite orangey. (Excuse my fail description) When we had gone up the road to look, you couldn't even see anything in the valley below, there was just a massive area of grey nothingness. It was all quite spooky... I felt like I was in an apocalyptic movie or something, where the crowds of people were staring up at the sky and awaiting their impending doom.

Well, I must say that is the first time there has EVER been any drama in our street! At least it wasn't a murder or anything like that, haha. I hope they manage to put out the blaze eventually and that no-one will get hurt.

Anyway... I better go and finish my homework now... X'D;; I might have pictures of the smoke and stuff later...

AAAHHH

Warning: Musical and note-ridden rant. The violin is played many times here. Read at your own cost.


okay so
I didn't get into the Schola Sinfonica.
I got into the Youth Sinfonietta. Which is made up of teenagers like myself.
And you have to be Grade 6 or higher to be in it.

...
WHAT
HAS HAPPENED
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH
i dunno whether to be happy or freaked out
BECAUSE YOU SEE
I'm only in Grade 3.
:|

It was like going to a new school. Everybody else seemed to know one another and I was just standing there and I didn't know anyboodyyyy
But I was seated next to a girl called Jessica who was also new to this orchestra, but she seemed much more relaxed and social than me, and in no time we made friends! 8D

Now, erm... the music. Iiiiis kinda hard. Yes. And we didn't even play the hardest piece that we're meant to be doing. No, today we played Handel's Music for the Royal Fireworks. Back at Golden Strings (the training orchestra) we did play one of the pieces from that suite, so I'm glad I recognize at least THAT. XDD Anyways, when we got started my bow was barely moving at all and I was like "WHAATTT I CANNOT DO THIS AAGHH" and everyone around me was SIGHTREADING. ;____; But eventually I got the hang of it and now I know the first three lines. Derp.

Also... it's worth noting that I'm in the 2nd violins section. AHAHA. <'3 So the stuff I have to play isn't too difficult for me to handle. C:

SO ANYWAY. There's this guy in the front row of the 2nd violins, right? And every so often he'd turn around in his seat and tell us what to do, and at the morning tea break he said to us, "I need you guys to copy my bowing so that the people in the rows behind you will get it right as well, so if you mess up your bowing, then we're SCREWED~ >:U"
And I was just sitting there thinking... "dude, I'm still trying to learn the NOTES." Yes, I know that in orchestras, everyone is supposed to have the same bowing - but I wasn't used to being told what to do by someone who, as far as I can tell, wasn't an official leader or anything... and at this point I felt quite overwhelmed and distressed.

BUT DESPITE THESE CONS
I FEEL QUITE OPTIMISTIC
And I encountered the things that my violin teacher had warned me about, and I'm bound to encounter even more. And eventually I will just get used to the whole thing and I'm sure that this is where I want to be. C: I will come back next week with way more confidence!


IN OTHER NEWS
we had school photos the other day
...I do not look forward to seeing them

This is the end...

...beautiful friend...
This is the end... my only friend, the end...

I feel kind of sad right now.


I've been feeling like this on and off for the past week or so. I'll be fine for most of the day, but I won't go a day at school without feeling lonely and antisocial at least once. Then anytime from four o'clock onwards, I'll end up feeling tired and down and this usually results me in curling up on my bed and doing nothing. Which either makes me feel better, or doesn't.

Either it's just my body clock trying to settle back into a normal routine, or it's that time of the month. Or both. I don't know. Part of it is the old loneliness, too. Over the years, all my best friends have disappeared from my school, one by one. Tis depressing.

Anyway, it's not good because it's discouraging me from doing my homework. Since 2008 I've had a habit of not doing homework because I make up an excuse like "naahh I'm not feeling so great right now" when hey, it could be a lot worse. Well... at least I shot most of my film for Photography today. Thank God still life is considered a genre, it's so easy and the simplest things produce the nicest pictures.

Oh well... at least I'm still spending hours on my beloved violin. And sometimes I'm doodling the odd cartoon or two. I may lack skill in drawing people, but I still find pleasure in drawing characters and expressions nonetheless.

Jeez, why have my blog entries been so depressing lately? Oh, wait... I guess this entry answers that question.

I could really go for something made of meat wrapped in pastry right now...

Wow.

After reading entries from two blogs I follow, I feel so normal.

I'm not saying that anything is a bad thing, or even a good thing... I'm just... saying. Maaaan. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully understand these things. The only thing that worries me is if these people will forever fully lose sight of themselves.





BUT ANYWAY.

Today was the day of the audition. We spent ages driving to the university and finding the right building, and then I was sent to a practice room to warm up, and then they called me in and within five minutes, I played my piece and did sight-reading. And then I went out again and we went home.

Dang... we drove all the way there and back just for five minutes of violin playing that I barely remember now. I suppose that's a good thing. You know how you make a mistake and then keep dwelling on it later? Well, I don't think I made any mistakes and overall I was very satisifed with my performance.

So, in short, the orchestra audition went rather well. I'll be hearing from them in about a week. :D

My week

I'm going to keep this blog post fairly straight-forward, because I'm friggin' tired and I have a headache and I keep having to correct my words several times by backspacing.

Year 13 is lovely because you don't have to wear uniform and you're allowed to leave school at lunchtime and study periods and the juniors won't touch you.

In Classics, our teacher has been telling us some wacky stories that either we haven't heard before or we did last year but we just forgot them. Greek mythology is so dirty, gotta love it. And we get to do myth posters again, sweet.

Photography's OK. Our teacher is getting married next week. <3 And the other day, I had a quite deep discussion about money with a couple of my mates. Nice to know I'm not the only teenager who thinks about things to such a mature level of depth.

Music is fun because we're learning how to conduct and it gives you a good excuse to wave your arms about like a... like something that waves its arms around a lot.

Art is boring this year. Bleh.

In English we have just begun to study the film Donnie Darko. I like it and I think it's a very good film. However, it scared me a bit and the overall theme of time is quite daunting. I nearly bawled in class at the end.



And I dunno about you, but that rabbit creeps me out no end.

My car got fixed the other day. She had a dodgy battery and her thermostat was broken. So now she starts up nicely and she just feels easier to drive now.
...
THAT'S WHAT S/HE SAID *budum-tish*

And now for the best news of all: I might get into a junior orchestra! It's called the Schola Sinfonica. It's associated with the Wellington Youth Orchestra and it's made up of kids from primary to secondary schools. Since last year I have attended the training orchestra Golden Strings - I like it and it's fun and relaxing, but most of the kids are much younger than me and now that the two other teen kids have disappeared, I'm a bit out of place. Besides, I like being in a controlled, structured environment at heart, and I actually want to be somewhere where I know exactly what I'm doing and it's a bit more "professional". Yep. :D

Soooo, I am scheduled for an AUDITION on Saturday afternoon. OH BOY. I've been excited all week. I sure hope I get in.

If you read all of this, then you get a reward... of drawings I did at school! (Oh my, is she still drawing cartoons?!)





Oh yeah, and our Xbox got fixed too, which means I can finally play Guitar Hero again. AWESOMESAUCE.

Year 13

is not really much different from Year 12.


Oh, and my car wouldn't start. Again. In the student car park.

And I've got homework.

And something else happened that just goes to show that nobody really likes me.


DARN IT. It's been a loooooong day.


But on the plus side, in Music, Mr. Brooks taught us how to conduct and that was fun.


_{P.S. i lied. i drew some cartoons today and yesterday to take my mind off my troubles.}

The Art-Dustrial Revolution

ConceptArt.org is my new home on the internet.

Seriously. I joined about a year ago, but I never really got into it and I proceeded with cartoons, only adding on bits and pieces that I had learned throughout the year (which was hardly ANYTHING, by the way).

Now I know why I'm so depressed about my art. It's because I've been sticking to what's in my head rather than what I see, and I've become so settled into my comfort zone that I've missed out on some truly amazing forms of art that are out there - seriously, look at the images on this thread: http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?t=50389 And don't stop with the first page, I went through the whole thing and by the end of it, I wanted to actually try new things that I should have tried a long time ago.

So, to put it bluntly, I am ditching cartoons and moving back to realism. HA!

On ConceptArt, there are "sketchbooks" which are threads acting as journal-style galleries. I made one when I joined the site, but I never really used it and now I'm quite ashamed of the cartoons I put on there. So, here's my new sketchbook: http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2617331#post2617331 I aim to update daily!

Yes, I know people back on DeviantArt will be disappointed. It's not that I don't care about making people happy. In fact, the reason I stuck with what I was doing last year, was because I was making people happy. Everyone, that is, except for myself. And I'm afraid this is one of those times when I'm just going to have to put myself above others. After all, if I were a famous musician, I wouldn't give into societal pressures and play something really bland and mediocre that was liked by mindless 14-year-olds, would I?

((DISCLAIMER: None of the above was meant to insult the music and kids of today, nor was it meant to label all of today's music as bland and mediocre. But let's face it, people, 14-year-olds are mindless creatures.))

Oh yeah, I said I was ditching cartoons, didn't I? Well...
1. This doesn't mean I'm ditching them FOREVER. I'm just ditching them till I actually understand what the hell I'm doing.
2. I won't ever, ever, EVER forget about my characters. After all, I can't really go a long time without putting them into roleplay with my best buds online. My characters are my children, and I can still love them without drawing them, right?

If you read all this, then you're freakin' awesome. C:

sdfjajksdsajsdhgsdjkf

ya know
i cannot sleep
and it is REALLY DRIVING ME UP THE WALL

seriously
i go to bed at say, 12:30
and i'm still awake at 1
and i'm still awake at 2
and i'm stiiiiiiill aeake at 3
and i was so out of it when i was typing that sentence that I spelled awake like "aeake" and I nearly put 2 instead of 3.
anyway, i'm stiiiiiiiiiiiillllll awake at 4, maybe even 5
and THEN my body says "oh! here's a nice time to go to sleep! *SNORE*"



...
i just
i don't even
..WHAAATTT. 8'D

hur
oh well
heres some art i did the night before
its lorenzo and he is being a confused ghost

Friday afternoon

Hey everybody! (which is only three people) Time to get that stinkin' sad post off the front of my blog. Wait... does my blog even HAVE a front?? Oh, never mind that now...

So after a seemingly endless endeavour of bipolar weather and wearing seasonal clothes at the wrong times, the New Zealand summer is now finally here. As far as I can tell, it ain't gunna rain any time soon and the days are just getting warmer and warmer, which will end up, as usual, in a blazing hot February! The cicadas are chirping their hearts out (that's if they have hearts), the birds are singing, ice cream is dripping and jandals are being worn on just about every Kiwi's feet. What more could you want from a typically windy, slightly chilly town?

On Wednesday I went back to school to confirm the course I'm taking this year. Mine consists of the same subjects I took last year: Art, Classics, English, Music and Photography. I got to school thinking I was the first one there and that I shouldn't have to queue up in massive lines just for one teacher's signature. Unfortunately, I hadn't counted on the fact that the other Year 12s and 13s were thinking the same thing! But anyhoo, I got into all my subjects, yippee! :D

In fifteen minutes I shall be leaving for my first violin lesson of the year. I love my violin lessons, so I'm glad to be returning to them. This year I'm in Grade 3, and over the holidays I've been practicing a few Grade 3 pieces that my teacher gave to me at the end of the term.

Hmm... that's funny... I'm sure I had something more interesting to talk about. Well, I DID go to a dot-themed exhibition recently, that was very unusual and fascinating. There was one room that was absolutely beautiful, in which you stand on a platform surrounded by water in a dark room and there are lights of green, yellow and red all around you, and the walls are covered in mirrors, creating the sensation of standing in a massive galaxy of stars! Well and truly stunning.

I think I've rambled enough now. Any things I've forgotten to talk about, will surely be talked about in my next blog entry. Let's have some crazy faces!

Another Emotional Meaningful Post.

A year ago, I listened to "Outside The Wall" by Pink Floyd and it confused me no end. I was stumped. I didn't know what the song meant at all.

Now I have listened to it again, and now... I know.

But it's not their fault. I don't blame them. It's just how things seem from my point of view, sometimes. And I know that I really am loved back. It's just hard to tell at those particular times.

Here is the song. It's quite sad, really.



Pink Floyd is beautiful. :'(

Discovery!

Heeeeeeyyy bloggy blog!

Sorry for lack of updates, nothing interesting has been happening really. But I'm going back to school very soon, so hopefully I'll have SOMETHING to talk about. ;)

So... for the past couple of months, I've been having a big loooong art block and lack of interest in drawing. And now it's finally reached the point where uploading to dA is no longer a priority. I was getting worried that I would lose my precious hobby - but as a matter of fact, I still HAVE been drawing a little bit, and I HAVE been enjoying it, too!

So what's the deal with that? Well, it's simple, really: I've pretty much grown tired of drawing my "constant" characters over and over again, and I've just worn them out, you know? I find that I don't really have fun anymore when I'm drawing Bullet, Streak, Tracks or Forker - the ones I draw the most, and consider to be my "main" or "constant" characters.

This would explain why, oddly enough, I'm having fun drawing neglected characters or entirely new things instead. For example, today I made up a random robot character who I decided to call Toby:


And a few weeks ago, I created a quirky artist guy who has no name yet, but I just seem to love drawing this dude 'cause he's so weird... here he is singing and dancing to what I imagine to be Grace Kelly (because the image popped up when I was listening to that song - I wouldn't be surprised if this character had MIKA's voice!):


And as usual, I find that drawing entire pages of different expressions just really gets me going and it's really easy and fun for me:


So that's the stuff I've been doing recently, rather than my usual North Mercy canon.

HAVE NO FEAR! I will NOT stop drawing the NM characters forever! I think that I really just need a break from drawing them, and that's all. Bullet and Streak and the others still mean all the world to me. I still think about them a lot. But for now, the characters and I need a "time-out" from each other - that, or I just need to escape my little comfort zone and draw other things, as shown above. I will never give up on the NM characters, and I bet I'll suddenly want to draw them again one day. :)

Besides, this will give me a chance to pay attention to neglected characters who I love but hardly ever draw... such as Bullet's son Jordan, who I decided to use as a model for low-angle practice today:


And now, I shall close this blog entry with... FANSERVICE.*


*a lot of people who follow my art, seem to find Bullet incredibly sexy and attractive. I must say he is quite a handsome man, but the funny thing is that I never actually intended him to be so attractive in the first place and then my friends were all like "OH FSHDGHD I WOULD SOOOO DO HIM!!" so... yeah. XD

Random thoughts at 1:30 AM...

- I have no idea what high school genre I fit into. Seriously. In Year 9 I was a nerd trying to be a prep. In Year 10 I was, like everyone, a dirty-minded, foul-mouthed immature loud thing. In Year 11 I was an antisocial rebel. In Year 12 I was an antisocial band geek. And now that all of that is over, I have no idea what I want to be, or what I will become. Hopefully a social band geek? That'd work.

- There used to be this punk chick at my school who had a MASSIVE mohawk. XD

- I can't believe I wanted to dye parts of my hair blue last year and dress in rainbows ALL THE TIME. Seems like a silly idea now, especially since I'm leaning more towards "tomboy" now. All the same, I still like unusual hair colours and rainbows. My recently-acquired tastes seem to be blending together nowadays. For example, an ideal outfit for me would be: a black three-quarter-sleeve jacket, black pants and my new black hat, with my rainbow-stripe top, my rainbow belt and my black shoes with that crazy rainbow design on them. Aren't I just weird? 8D

- I should have gone to bed 40 minutes ago, but looking up definitions on UrbanDictionary is quite addictive.

- I am still kind of unsure of what goth/punk really is. As far as I can father, they either dress in black or have liberty spikes in their hair or listen to metal or wear things with spikes on them. Need to do some research tomorrow (including other stereotypes besides goth & punk), as these things just interest me.

- I must also find out what scene is.

- I like t-shirts with clever or humorous designs on them. But I also rather shirts with collars or stripes or pinstripes. Eh?

- I'm sick of girly clothes... unless they show off my figure. -GUNNED DOWN-

- I don't think I could ever have the guts to be a punk. Ever.

- I just discovered that my school has its own Wikipedia page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aotea_College Also, my school's principal wears a pink shirt.

- Why do I like classical violin music AND bands like System of a Down or Korn? (Yes, I like Korn or at least what I have heard of their music, which isn't very much.)

- As you can see, my tastes just do not make any sense. I think I have a lot more discovering of my true self to go.

- I am so happy that I get to wear whatever I want to school this year. :)

Today

I made two discoveries.

1. Popcorn chicken is the food of gods.
2. I like guys' clothes.

There's a short story behind that second one.

Today me and Zia went shopping at the mall in the Hutt, 'cause she needed suitable clothes for her new job and I need some new clothes for school 'cause I don't have to wear uniform this year. So we traipsed around aaaaaallll the girls' clothing shops, and she got what she wanted but there was just NOTHING that appealed to me (save for one nice pinstripe shirt that was unfortunately a size too big and the only one in stock). And all I really wanted was a nice pair of black pants!

Tired and disgruntled, we met up with Gareth and went with him to a guys' clothing store that he wanted to check out. As we stood there waiting, I was looking around the shop and I said to Zia: "Dang, guys have good clothes."

Because it's true. They do. SERIOUSLY. Why do THEY get the casual-yet-refined pinstripe shirts and ties and suits, and SENSIBLE designs? I just can't seem to like the fashion for us girls nowadays.

Well anyway, I got myself a hat.



I LIKE MY NEW HAT. <3


In other news, me and my dad were in town the other day and we arrived in Civic Square just in time to see a German busker perform on his electric violin. And, heck, I don't think I've seen a better violin busker! It was amazing and enchanting to sit there with such beautiful music ringing through the square. We had a brief little chat and he gave me a card with contact details for the place where his violin was made. It was such a pretty violin... one day I think I'll get one!


And now, I shall conclude this blog post with a drawing of Forker which I'm not afraid to say I rather like.

The Worst Dream Ever

I had a bad dream this morning, just before I woke up. It's quite rare for me to have bad dreams.

It went like this... I came home and I noticed two strange things:
1. Lots of people on DeviantArt - in fact, just about ALL of them - had been given new avatars that showed a picture of a cute cartoon dog, each one coloured and designed differently to match their owner.
2. My family was packing?!
I asked, "What's going on?" And my parents told me that we were going on holiday. I got really upset and I threw a TANTRUM because nobody had told me about it and I was already comfortable at home right now and anyway, how the hell could I pack in five minutes?! And this also explained the avatars on DeviantArt, because all of THOSE people were going on holiday to the same place as well, and nobody had given ME an avatar of my own.
I cried and stormed to my room, where I started to slowly pack and put my shoes on, while still crying and sobbing pathetically all the while. Yeeahh I was kinda being really overdramatic. And I was also plucking bits out of my hair because someone had replaced the blonde bits with some other horrible colour. Oo (DON'T ASK.)
Twice I looked up and saw my dad washing his hands or something in the bathroom, and we both looked at each other but he didn't even say anything about my crying, he just ignored me. Eventually I stomped out of my room and SCREAMED something at him but I can't remember what it was. I followed my dad down the hallway into the garage...
...To find that my mum and my brother were sitting in the family car, with ALL of their and dad's luggage inside as well. I said, "You're gonna leave me here?" And my mum said simply, "Yep."
I stared at her in disbelief, my eyes welling with tears again. "You can't do this to me, Mum..."
"Yes, we can!" she replied. "Since you're being such an immature little crybaby, we're going to leave without you. Bye!"

And that's when I woke up, frightened as all hell.

I love my family so much, and they love me the same. If my mum ever said that to me in real life, I don't know what I'd do.


-ahem-
on a lighter note
I SAW AVATAR YESTERDAY
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF -spontaneously leaps on the fan bandwagon-

OKAY UHH

Grumpy time's over now. Seriously. Forgive me, I was in a right STATE. x'D;;

Soooo... what's new? I've been taking a huge liking to lions lately, probably because I've been watching too many Lion King parodies on YouTube... ahahaha... I can't help it, TLK is awesome for spoofing and watching Scar singing I Believe In A Thing Called Love just kills me. XD

Anyway, during my lion fangirling, I discovered that yes, there actually ARE black-maned lions:



I think that's seriously cool. D: FFFFFFFFF

And taking an interest in lions is good, because I can learn how to draw them so that I can draw my character Forker in lion form - for those who are confused, Forker is a demon who can take on the secondary form of a lion. He has ash-blond fur and a grey mane. I luffs my angry little lion dude~ <:3

AAAAHHH TOO MUCH USE OF THE WORD LION
LIIIIIIOOOOOONNN
LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON.
-gunned down-

bleh.

Hey I'm seeing Avatar tomorrow, YIPPEEEEE~!

EHEHEHEHEHEH -twitch-

RANDOM TITLES FOR THE WIN. 8D

How are you all? I hope you're great!

Today me and my dad went out into Wellington to have a big session of sitting around drawing people in the park and on the boardwalk. It was fun but people kept moving as SOON as we started drawing them. 8c Still, it was good practice for capturing poses and positions!

And we went to Borders and I bought a drawing book that covers just about EVERYTHING about drawing heads and the human figure, it's really neat and I'm sure it'll prove useful :)

I haven't started drawing from the aid of that book yet because I've had my fill of realism for today - BUT - I decided to compare two drawings of mine, one without a ref and one using a ref from the book...



AHAHAHHAA shows how much I know. D|>
Oh well. Sooner or later I'll be able to draw a correct female figure from memory!

And after all that realism and poring over the stuff in my book, I decided to end my day with doing some Streak doodles because I haven't drawn him in AGES and taking that character quiz over on DeviantArt reminded me of how much I missed drawing him.



Sooooooo, HERE HAVE SOME STREAK~!

That's all for now! I haven't broken my number one New Years resolution yet! C8 (which was to draw every day, btw.)