Monday, April 19, 2010

Newly-found Consciousness

There are quite a few synonyms that I could use to describe how I've been feeling this fine autumn evening. And they are: fulfilled, determined, adventurous, productive, appreciative, thoughtful, and understanding.

Why? Well, there are three reasons. First of all...

I was dreading having to go back to school today... I really was. The day before I had had one of those little "freak-outs" in which I realize that I had schoolwork to do but I left it so late that I have very little or no time left to do it at all, and then I reflect on my lazy, slacking, procrastinating self and, upon remembering how I said that I wanted to do well at school this year, I burst into tears, thinking that I'm going to fail miserably and never get anywhere in life.
So this morning, I stumbled lethargically out of my warm comfortable bed and into the harsh cold air of the morning, dreaming up negative consequences in my imagination like I usually do (and is one of the reasons I suffered so much in the first week of the holidays, but that's a different story that I would like to forget). The consequences involved facing a heavily disappointed and frustrated Photography teacher after telling her that I didn't do my homework; continuing to be behind and take no interest whatsoever in my only outlet for the future, a.k.a. Art class; and turning up to English having not read the novel I was supposed to, which is The Great Gatsby. All this, and the fact that I'm horrible at interacting with people in real life which makes me feel quite alienated, and just knowing that I wasn't lounging around at home in my pyjamas stuffing my face and wasting our Internet traffic on watching only mildly amusing YouTube videos.
I actually had conversations with inviting classmates.
Turns out that I don't actually need to crawl my way through the painfully boring introduction of The Great Gatsby and I can just skip to the actual story.
Whoah man, I actually did my work in Art! (But slacked off a little as well, since I can't go a school day without doodling at least one silly cartoon on my paper...)
And my Photography teacher did not end up interrogating us about our homework.
I went home at the end of the day and this evening, I read the whole first chapter of The Great Gatsby and started selecting images to analyse for Photography. Being so motivated and eager to do my work is quite a rare occasion for me. I want to teach myself to be motivated all the time, like I once was before that sudden, spontaneous change of heart I experienced at 14 years old.

The second reason for my unusually enlightened mood is the mere fact that at dinner, I had a fairly in-depth discussion with my parents about the status of buying houses in society today. Normally I'm too detached with the busy mainstream rush of the world to have an opinion on anything outside of my comfort zone of knowledge (for example, I've never known much about the most popular music ever written, yet I have an extensive knowledge of the nu-metal band System of a Down, a bunch of wacky musicians that nobody ever talks about anymore). However, this time I had a definite opinion on a common thing. I had questioned why it is that mortgage on houses even exists, because frankly I find the whole concept kind of strange and silly - I mean, why do we have to pay off for things for most of our lives when we can just buy it all in the first place? We wouldn't have to if houses weren't so expensive. But why are they so expensive? Imagine if houses were the same price as cars - a box that you own for life. And nowadays, it's not so much how much the empty box itself is worth, it's where you put it that counts. You put the box in a rich suburb, it's worth a lot. You put it in a poor ghetto, it's worth a lot less. My point is: no matter where you put this box... it's just a box that will always be worth the same thing, and that seems to be a lost concept in society today.
tl;dr: I think that the world has become an unnecessarily complicated place. Nuuuh, ya think, Alice?! Hahaha... all the same, if I were goddess of the world, I would make life a lot simpler and make people cut out the crap.

And the third and final reason for my mood is that me and my dad had one of our "art talks" after dinner. I'm very much like my father, and I love it when we discuss art because it's a really great way for us to connect. It's like he empowers me to appreciate art more.
Furthermore... I have decided that I really want to start exploring the areas of art that I haven't even touched. I like drawing crazy stuff from my imagination (lollipop-loving, Mustang-driving, vodka-swigging arachnophobics, anyone?), and my characters are like my children that make me happy, but I can't stick to one thing forever. I need to get out there and actually try stuff. There are endless possibilities in art, and seeing simplistic yet beautiful images just inspires me to do that. To me, nature is wonderful, man-made things are brilliant, and together they are fantastic. The smallest things are the most beautiful. A few strokes and blotches of colour can create something out of nothing. Less is more. Art is one of the greatest things that ever happened to Man.

I have accomplished so much today... and it's because I actually got up off my arse and did things. I worked, I thought, I communicated, I fell in love. I truly lived. And now I know why I've felt so empty and mechanical for such a long while. It's because I, as a human being, need to live. And it all begins with inspiration and motivation.

I shall now quote Gandalf the Grey from Lord of the Rings. This is a message for you all, so listen (well... read) carefully.

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."

Hahahaha... I love that picture.

Joking aside... make the most of your life, reader. There is so much you could do to change and improve the world, or even just to be at peace with yourself.

I'm sorry for this massive text wall... but there are just times when I want to share my thoughts with the world. Who knows, maybe they will inspire somebody. Is it you? I hope so! Good night, Internet. :D

1 comment:

  1. OMG. you inspire me, that was the best thing ive read all week. Ive been feeling so down lately and its totally just made my day the 2nsd time, after i looked at yr deviantart before after a long time