Questions

Ignore this post, we're just beating ourselves up.

(Note: the normal font represents me; the italic font represents Bullet.)



I just wanted
To help you.

I thought that
I made a difference.

Because I’m your best friend.
And I’m your husband.

And we can have some fun times.
We used to have fun times.

But why can’t I help you when you’re sad?
Why didn’t I spend enough time with you?

I feel
So useless.

When I come to see you,
You don’t feel like smiling
And when I try to lighten things up,
It doesn’t work.

And the longer I stay,
The worse it gets.
For me and for you.
Especially for you.

Why does this
Always happen?

Why can’t I ever
Do anything right?

Why can’t I ever
Get through to you?

Is there something wrong
With the way I love?

I am not a saviour.
I am merely a pill.
You take me
And then
The pain
Comes back.

You like talking to yourself
But you will not talk to me.

You can amuse yourself
But no matter what I do or say
It will not have
Any effect
On your thoughts
Or your feelings.

I know that you love me
And I love you possibly even more
But sometimes it’s as if
You’re better off without.

I don’t want to be mad
And I certainly don’t want to be sad.

It’s not your fault.
It’s all my fault.

Why is it that
Every time we touch
I always
Ruin everything?

I won’t ever leave you.
But please don’t leave me.



tl;dr: baaaaaawwwwwww we suck

SO

...After a long time of being fairly confused, I think I'm asexual.



YAY?

ROFFLE

I bet I only wrote that last blog entry because I was angsty because it was that time of the month. >:B
NEGATIVENESS, BE GONE~! ...waaiit is negativeness even a word? fjsdjkgfd WHO CARES.


Soooo... doodles? Yes!


A WIP of something nice. YAY BUCKTEEF.


I drew this at school... on MS Paint... with a mouse. B| Anyway, the joke is that sometimes we play Nirvana in the art classroom and there was this song that goes, "I'm on a plain, I can't complain"... and I honestly thought that the singer was talking about being on an AIRPLANE. XDDDD;;; and then i looked up the lyrics and i was like OHHH A PLAIN. god I'm a DORK fsdgjkdfjkf


Bullet's mommy as a teenager. c:


Bullet being like WTF NO at Ashton's death. ...In all seriousness though, he was all stiff and robotic for like, a week before it finally hit him. Meep.


Um...

day five

OMGUGUISEIHADAREALIZATION.


I just realized that sometimes, in a situation, my initial feelings can be false or bad. And that when I get them out of the way, I wonder why I felt them at all.

I also realized that if I manage to terminate these feelings without directing them at someone else, then it's really, really worth it because there's no harm done!

If I follow by these rules, then the world will be a better place for all of us.
I'M SO HAPPY AGHSDFJF C8


Oh man... in the last few days I've been going through this kind of cycle. If I get a good sleep one night, then I'll get hardly any sleep the night after that, and then a good sleep the night after that, and then a bad sleep the night after that, and... so on and so forth.
ALTHOUGH this might just be because it's the holidays and I'm not using up as much energy as I should. Ah well. I've decided to take a walk around the neighbourhood once or twice a week 'cause it'll be good for me. :B


I GET REALLY TALKATIVE WHEN I HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH SLEEP RAAAAAARRR GIMME SUGAR

And love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujaaaah...~

I love that song. <3


SO UMM. I figured out yesterday that if I grab a blank canvas or piece of paper and just start drawing/colouring aimlessly, then I'm more likely to come up with a piece of art. Seriously. I can sometimes get some pretty good ideas in my head before I start drawing but now, I realize that usually they come WHILE I'm drawing.

...Sweet as. 8DDD


So um... HAVE A DOODLE.


It's Louie and I have no idea who he's talking to or what he's pointing at. Partially because I'm scared to add anything that will destroy the picture. Oh well. Suggestions?
I also have no idea why he looks so goddamn happy. Louie's usually kinda quiet and subdued. HMMMM.


I think I had a dream about hippies.
o_o


-runs away to do other stuff-

WHYYYYYYYYYY

Being embarrassed about loving your characters a little too much FTW.


Seriously though. Of all my 70-something characters, why is it always BULLET who gets all the attention? He's a completely normal human with no special abilities or powers. He has a house, he has a job, he drives a car. He likes sex and getting drunk. He's an idiot. THERE'S NOTHING REALLY SERIOUSLY SPECIAL ABOUT HIM.

So why is it that when I decide to draw, the first thing I think of, and cannot resist the urge to draw, is this BEARDED MORON?!! ("I'm not a moron. >:C And it's a goatee.")




...oh well. it's better than drawing nothing. 8D


i even COLOURED him carefully too. FSDGJFDJKSFJDFGF

I have two wheat crackers.

I always eat these crackers in pairs. Two at a time.

...And I can never decide which one looks nicer so that I can eat the less-nice one first.

I AM NEW ZEALAND'S BIGGEST DORK, I SWEAR.


But before the crackers, I had to quickly get a glass of water because I just ate the biggest Ginger Nut EVER and it was nice but the spice was burning my tongue (figuratively).
And WTF we've got two packets of Uncle Ben's Chinese Style Rice in the pantry. WE NEVER BUY FOOD THAT YA JUST CHUCK IN THE MICROWAVE. Unless it's something like Easy Mac that's for me and my brother to eat when our parents are out. Which is hardly ever. SO YEAH. :|


Another weird thing is that last night (well... this morning, rather), I had a dream that accurately reflected everything that's currently been going on in my life, or things that have recently happened, with a touch of randomness. This is really interesting to me because usually my dreams are SO RANDOM THAT THEY BEAT ALL OF BULLET'S TRIPPY DRUG-INFLUENCED HALLUCINATIONS. The dream went like this:

I was in the hospital again, but I don't think I was the one who was sick or injured this time. As I was walking through the hospital, I saw a small crowd gathered around a man with a violin, and I smiled in appreciation.
I left the hospital and I was driving with my brother in the car. We were in Porirua and as we were going past the local polytech, one of my car's rear tyres suddenly burst - and she lost the entire wheel along with it. My brother told me to turn onto another road (which also actually exists) and drive to the nearest petrol station. I don't know how in the HELL we were driving with a missing wheel, but we arrived at a dead end on a dusty trail, where there was a massive sunny field of tall grass.
The dream then cut to me driving (with a new wheel) into the street where my violin teacher lives, which I actually do once a week for lessons, and I was trying so hard to pull over as close to the kerb as I could without actually scraping the wheels because that really frustrates me in real life. I then received a text from a friend saying something like "fine, I'm sorry". I was confused until I discovered a text, from the same friend, that I had received before and not noticed. From what I can remember it roughly said: "So you've been out having fun for 5 hours? F**k you, I hate you."
And then I woke up.

tl;dr: I actually had a dream that made some kind of SENSE. ...Mostly. Nothing is ever completely realistic with me.


I have to perform a violin solo in front of my music class tomorrow. AAAAAAAA I'M GON' DIIIEEEEfsdjfjgff


Also, I wish I had a scanner of my own so that I didn't have to go to the trouble of using the scanner on my dad's computer and then getting the images from his computer to my own. That's one thing I want when I move out: a scanner. Then I could scan as many doodles as I like, whenever I like, and put them on this blog and it would be way more interesting to read.